Well hello my loves! This is my first blog post and I figured I would start it off with how my husband and I actually create a healthy relationship with each other.
If you don't know already (I'll do a post about my story soon) I was in an abusive relationship. And for me, heading into a new healthy loving relationship was legit foreign. I had no idea what was needed or what to expect. So on my journey healing from the terrible verbally abusive relationship I was in previously, I found some gems that really helped me in my current marriage.
So let's stop wasting time and get right to it:
1. First and foremost my husband and I have ALWAYS worked on and made sure that we openly and honestly share how we are feeling with each other and why. The why is so important because you have to give context as to why you are feeling that way in an effort to avoid it in the future. Plus giving someone context truly helps them understand a little better where you're coming from. So let go of that fear, ask yourself what am I feeling in this moment, then communicate those feelings to your partner followed by the why!
2. We make sure that we both maintain our individuality. This can get super hard, trust me. Our lives are super involved in one another, we live together, work from home together, we legit do everything together. But we always, make sure we have something that we do for ourselves individually. For example, my husband is super into NFTs & he has a whole NFT community he is involved in, which takes up a lot of his free time with something he is truly passionate about. I on the other hand, run my own business & find ways to express myself creatively. Whether I curl up with a solid coloring book, go for drinks with my friends, or simply take a bath and do my hour long skin care routine. By maintaining your individuality, helps avoid you completely losing yourself in your relationship.
3. We always remember that we are a team and love each other even on our hardest days. You are human, I am human, and your partner is human. Hard days will happen, you won't always have beautiful amazing days full of rainbows and butterflies...trust me. But if you get so lost in those bad days and hard moments it'll feel impossible to over come them. So you really have to do your best to remember you & your partner are not against each other, you are a TEAM!! So act like one.
4. Lean into forgiveness. Even when things feel unforgiveable. This one is so important because we all make mistakes, no one is perfect. And sometimes your partner will do something that at the time feels unforgiveable, but we forgive for ourselves, not for the other person. You forgive to set yourself free from holding onto something that doesn't serve you. So talk it out, apologize, make an action plan moving forward, & forgive. It's freeing AF!
5. Know communication also requires empathy, listening & understanding. Communication is often the one thing that breaks couples apart. Whether it's miscommunication, lack there of, or simply just not being clear with each other. You absolutely MUST learn healthy communication skills. You have to truly listen to each other, not just hear them. Don't operate from a place of "winning" the argument, no one wins when you're against each other. Use "I" statements, to avoid defensiveness. And show empathy. Empathize with your partner and validate their feelings whether you agree with them or not.
6. Create intimacy often & always appreciate the little things. Go out of your way to learn each others love languages & become fluent in how each other give and receive love. When you go to the market and see something that reminds you of them, pick it up. If you think of them in the middle of the day when you aren't with them, send that "I miss you" text. The little things need to be appreciated more often than we do. Love, intimacy and romance is so much more than just the grand gestures.
7. Lastly...remember to have fun and laugh!!! Stop taking life so seriously. You are here on this earth to enjoy each other, love each other, and create memories together. So do just that, have fun.
Creating healthy relationships aren't easy, they take work & commitment. But I promise you they are so worth it once you get into the groove of your partnership. And if you ever seek additional support, never ever hesitate to reach out for it. Sometimes having someone help us learn, grow & evolve is just what you need to create long term success in your relationship.
Feel free to start by applying for my 1:1 private coaching experience. Whether you're looking to heal the relationship with yourself so that your relationship with others can thrive, or dive into couples counseling, I gotchu!
Apply here now!!